Spending money

Aaaahhhh spending money to go up and down a mountain, get really cold, and get really sore. How could you possibly use your money more wisely.

And of course who couldn't love GIANT pointless stickers that advertise things you didn't even know could exist.

MMMmmmmm... sea kitten sticks.

Newbury....Quotes 18

It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead. -Dame Rose Macaulay

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow. -Jeff Valdez

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

-George Burns

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find
one at the end of your arm.' -Sam Levenson

There it was, hidden in alphabetical order. -Rita Holt

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know
whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' -Theodore Roosevelt

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted. -Hesketh Pearson

Biography lends to death a new terror. -Oscar Wilde

All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. -Unknown

There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. -Edmund Wilson

Newt

To celebrate a slight bump in visits I decided to reward the occasion with a blog post and a picture of fireworks.

However, as much as I want to take the glory, I know that this couldn't have happened without you.

Thank you.

New York

Since Joe, and Joe have a boat. I figured I should join in.

However I didn't really want to go the sailboat route so I thought I'd go a different one.

By building a (drumroll) BIKE BOAT!!! (A pedal boat only a bike.)

So far all I have is the plans and a bike. But maybe, just maybe, if I'm not too lazy. I might actually build it.

If any one wants to add some modifications or look at the 3D version using google sketchup;
here's the file,
and google sketchup is here.

Newark

Because I have been so regular in posting, many viewers voted on the latest poll.

Out of an incredible number of 7, 4 of you decided it best to

"Quickly eat it before someone else did."

Congratulations, I believe that this was indeed the best thing to do with such a bug.

"If I saw the above insect in my house I would most likely:

Quickly eat it before someone else did 4 (57%)

Snap a photo, then smash it 1 (14%)

Snap a photo, after you smashed it 1 (14%)

Feed it to the cat 1 (14%)

Scream and run 0 (0%)
Call for help 0 (0%)
Let it outside 0 (0%)
Snap a photo, then let it outside 0 (0%)
Give it to a friend 0 (0%)
Smash it with a book 0 (0%)
Smash it with a tissue 0 (0%)
Smash it with my hand 0 (0%)
Grab the killing jar for future mounting in my collection 0 (0%)
Pin it to a mounting board while it’s still alive 0 (0%)
Capture it in a jar with a lid until it died 0 (0%)
Post it on my blog with a funny caption 0 (0%)
Post it on my blog with a survey. 0 (0%)
Capture it with ventilation and feed it for long-term observation 0 (0%)
Using the previous, film a documentary with it in the starring role 0 (0%) "

New

Strange things happen when it's late....

Quotes 17 NOW WITH PICTURES!!!

With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where on earth did you get that banana?' -Mitch Hedberg

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant. -Scott Adams

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. -Pat Paulsen

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. -E. V. Lucas


A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. -Evan Esar

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. -Ambrose Bierce



The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. -Victor Borge


Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas A. Edison


Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. -Michael McClary


Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? -George Carlin

The next installment... Quotes 16

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.' -Jack Handey

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. -Solomon Short

When love is gone, there's always justice.
And when justice is gone, there's always force.
And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
Hi, Mom! -Laurie Anderson

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. -Ellen DeGeneres

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. -Doug Larson

Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. -David Broder

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -Paul Beatty

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. -Robert Orben

There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. -W. Somerset Maugham

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow. -Evan Esar

OBAMA!!!!

(Yes, I know, I'm evil...
(and sorry about the formatting...my blog doesn't seem to like Hulu.))

Feebldeegloble! Yeah, you heard me.

WOW! MY BLOG IS STILL HERE!? RATS!!!! I guess that means I need to post something. Although if you count the number of days I was away (365) and divide them by my number of posts (50) ... I still posted about every week. Plus I realized I had to post since this is the one year anniversary.
(The posts should be backwards so you don't have to scroll all the way down to get to the beginning.)

Well, it was a long trip away from the "blog-o-sphere," but I guess I'm back, so click the pict!

1,000, 2,000, and 2,000+!

Well, I must thank you for all of your clicking, it has made my blog feel somewhat cared about. All those who contributed shall receive this honorary tendinitis reward!

(Huh, Blogger isn't working right now, I'll give you the award in the comments one day.)

Rant

O.K. Here's a rant (every blog has to have at least one)... sorry you have to suffer through it.

GAMES! and the such as.

As you can see here in this super cool panorama (Yeah, I like panos a bit too much) I am using 2 computers that are side by side. (I know, C.R.T.s... but I haven't seen any cheap L.C.D.s that I wanted)
Anyway, if you ever get the chance to have 2 computers at the same time... You can install something on one while playing games on the other. You could even play 2 games at once. :D! It's GREAT!
O.K. O.K. Kind of a pointless post, but it is really nice to have 2 computer.... even nicer than 2 monitors. :D

Panoramas galore!

Here they are (finnaly) I put together some old pictures I took from the canada trip and a

few others that I took here and there. I used autostitch, it's really easy to use and it's

free. All you have to do is open the picts you want

"panoramaed." and PRESTO CHANGO! You have a nice panorama picture.

CAKE!

Cake:

Cartoons

Just for the record, I made these before Steve started stick with it, so I can't be blamed for copying him. :D


MORE TO COME! (If I ever get around to drawing them)

Helichopters.

Ever wanted to fly the helicopters in Microsoft flight simulator?
Well, now it's not quite as much of a pain.
Just hook up a game pad and follow the instructions!

1. Get a game pad.

2. Get some ductape.

3. Get a marker. (or some sort of stick.)

Put ductape around one end of the marker (or some sort of stick) and then put it on the right side of the game pad's joystick.
Then change your controls so that the throttle axis is on the left up and down stick, the rudder axis is on the left right and left stick, and set the aelerons as the stick with the marker (or some sort of stick).

There ye go! A much easier way to fly helicopter.... finally.

DUCT TAPE!

Ever need a case for something or a holder for something but
you didn't care enough about it to buy a case?
Well... again, duct tape saves the day!
Here is a case I made for a first gen ipod shuffle

Here I just cut a hole for the headphone jack and folded the sticky part over to make a flap for easy opening! (I'm starting to sound like an infomercial) BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

It usually works pretty well to wrap the duct tape tightly around the object with the sticky side out and then just wrap another layer around that to make it "un-sticky"

From sd cards....

TO PENCIL HOLDERS!!! ALL YOURS FOR ONLY THE 2 MINUTES TO READ THIS + THE TIME THAT IT TOOK YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT + THE TIME TO FIND WHERE THE DUCT TAPE IS + THE TIME TO MAKE IT! ORDER TODAY!

M....o....v....i....e...s.....

Here are some of my old stop motion movies that I made eons ago. Sorry, no sound, I was way too lazy. I should have probably found a better program to put them together than windows movie maker…taking more picts would probably have helped more : P. Oh, well, too late now! ENJOY!

Teeheehee

A normal model car?

Or secret junk hiding place! (I call this method of storing junk "junk upon junk.")

A normal can?!

Or another junk hiding place! ( I call this method "Junk-in-a-jar")

Fin

Work disguised as fun

Things I've learned from building models: They take too much time, they usually don't turn out quite as well as you had hoped they would,they get glue all over the place, you do actually have to wait for paint and glue to dry :P, and big pieces would make things a lot easier. (The end.(Just a short rant)

PORQUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????

WHYYY!!!!????
Oh, right, cause I don't post anything.

Soooooo many.

I Have collected a whole bunch of quotes over a few years and decided that I needed a blog post, I mean wanted to share them with you. (I'll post 10 per post so it seems like there are less, even though there are *cough* 150. I'll also be posting any future collections.) Some are funny, some were copied when I was up way to late…. ENJOY!

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! -Tom Lehrer

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable,
as one's hat keeps blowing off. -Woody Allan

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. -Robert Orben

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber. -Benjamin Franklin

We do not die because we have to die; we die because one day, and not so long ago, our consciousness was forced to deem it necessary. - Antonin Artaud

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.-Dick Cavett

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. -Doug Larson

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. -National Lampoon

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. -Larry Hardiman

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience. -Bill Watterson

Here ye be!

Earbuds


Well… they are finally here. (And have been for a while) Totally wireless ear buds. They use a different type of wireless signal (Instead of Bluetooth) to boost sound quality.

Or if this is a bit over budget you still have these

I bit cheaper. .. but headphones and not as good of quality.

So there you have it folks! You can actually have wireless ear buds…… if you have a lot of money to waste.

There are also the infrared and wireless headphones… but the infrared often pick up radio signals. (At least in our area they pick up radio disney.)

VROOOMM!!!

Sorry, please click here.

VROOOOOOOOOOMMM!!! SNAP!

:'-(

POP! OW!!!!!

Blorp!

TOTALLY MOO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

As hard as I was on it, it really should have broken a lot sooner. :P

A close up, what's interesting is that by the 123 there was another grey spot, but it went away after a couple of days. O.K. I kind of figured that this would be a longer post... hmm... Oh well.

OH! here we are.... a pointless clip from a song.
A dying elephant.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (it's a blower in case you can't tell)

Surely you all have seen somebody using this for their entire yard. Our neighbor "Helmet Man," (The owner of robo mow) goes out every fall and blows his entire yard (which is about 3/4 of an acre) off with one of these.



Or, most likely you've seen one of these.

Now I still see people all of the time using these, and they are no different than flat head screws... They work, but they’re a pain to use. Plus, when faced with the daunting task of an acre or more, that’s gonna be one long day.
So hopefully, most of you have switched to using one of these.

O.K. Maybe not one of those, but hopefully you do have one of these.

They are by far the best and fastest way to get up leaves in a jiffy. They are a pain to unload, and you smell like leaves and gas, but it's still going to be easier than raking an entire lawn. So maybe you'll take my advice, and use one of these next year.

Back away from the computer, and waste no more time.

Macro shots are sweet....

YAY!

After the pre-stated incident, I bought two palms, one to sell and one to keep....

MMMMM.....

MMMMM....marshmellows

O.K. sorry, it is a monocle post.

WOOOOOO! PARTY!!!!!

I kind of forgot the camera in the car... the car was cold... the house was warm... Cold+Warm=FOG... who would have guessed?!.. Nevertheless here are a few picts from the Langemann's Christmas party/luncheon...hmm, no that's far to big of a word for me to have used correctly I'll stick to PARTY!!

Smarts, stuff, and the like such as...

I thought I'd write something smart sounding, however I decided I'd let the people that are actually smart do the writing.

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

-John Stuart Mill

English economist & philosopher (1806 - 1873)

Comments? Arguments? Hate mail? Hiring a hit man? Whatever you can throw at me... (Although an apple would be good, I'm kinda hungry.)

You don't want to know....

This is what happens on the way to South Dakota.... You get bored.

(I'll see if I can get a link for youtube someday.)

Quotes 2

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. -PJ O'Rourke

An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. -Howard Aiken

All the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway. -Harry S Truman

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. -Woody Allen

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. -Peter Steiner

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? -Kin Hubbard

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. -Evan Davis

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. -Quentin Crisp

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Quotes 3

One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience. - Alice James

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. -Aneurin Bevan

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. - Philip K. Dick

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. -Sir Barnett Cocks

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. -Nathaniel Borenstein

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. -Thomas A. Edison

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway. -Evan Esar

What if this weren't a hypothetical question? -Unknown

I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm. -James Thurber

Quotes 4

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. -George Burns

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. -AA Milne

When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. -Brenden Behan

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. -Ellen DeGeneres

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. -Rita Rudner

How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children. -Lewis B, Frumkes

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. -Ambrose Bierce

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. -Woody Allen

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them. -Albert Einstein

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. -Doctor Who

Quotes 5

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. -Robert Orben

Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -John Stuart Mill

Anything too stupid to be said is sung. -Voltaire

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. - Richard Diran

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. - George Bernard Shaw

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. -Carl Sagan

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting. -Charles Bukowski

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. -Edward Abbey

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. -Charles Bukowski

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. -Ronald Reagan

Quotes 6

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. - George F. Will

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. -W. Somerset Maugham

I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position. -Pat Conroy

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. -Johnny Carson

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. -PG Wodehouse

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. -Jerome K. Jerome

He who builds a better mousetrap these days runs into material shortages, patent-infringement suits, work stoppages, collusive bidding,
discount discrimination--and taxes." -HE Marts

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
-Robert McCloskey

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. -Miss Piggy

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
-George Carlin

Quotes 7

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. -Samuel Butler

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -August Strindberg

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. - Jerome K. Jerome

[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Al Capp

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, when you can't hear what they say? -Logan Pearsall Smith

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. -George Bernard Shaw

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. -Barry LePatner

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. -Paula Poundstone

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. -Alex Levin

Quotes 8

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. -David Richerby

In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. -Roger Allen

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? -Al Boliska

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -John Lehman

I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. -Robert Bloch

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. -George Bernard Shaw

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. -JD Slinger

Nothing says, 'I have no idea what to get you,' quite like giant beige bath towels. -Missbhavens

Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are. -Laurence J. Peter

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -Albert Einstein

Quotes 9

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. -Frank Lloyd Wright

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. -Jackie Mason

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister. -Abigail Van Buren

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. -Woody Allen

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. -Scott Adams

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. -Samuel Goldwyn

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. -Dan Rather

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. -Rodney Dangerfield

Indecision may or may not be my problem. -Jimmy Buffett

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -HL Mencken

Quotes 10

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body. -Unknown

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. -Alfred North Whitehead

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. -Robert Byrne

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. -John Ruskin

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -Sean O'Casey

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. -Penn Jillette

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. -Neil Gaiman

With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life. -PJ O'Rourke

The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds. -King Farouk of Egypt

Quotes 11

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. -Larry Hardiman

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. -Groucho Marx

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. -Professor Irwin Cory

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. -Douglas Adams

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. -Robert X. Cringely

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -Fletcher Knebel

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. -Kin Hubbard

Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -Bill Watterson

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. -Clint Eastwood

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? -Laurence J. Peter

Quotes 12

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. -Emo Phillips

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. -Dave Barry

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where she is. -Ellen DeGeneres

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -Sir Winston Churchil

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' -Ronnie Shakes

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -Henry Allen

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -Ogden Nash

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. -Ambrose Bierce

Quotes 14

All general statements are false. -Unknown

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. -Woody Allen

An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations. -Charles de Montesquie

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away. -Sir Thomas Beecham

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. -Unknown

If there were no God, there would be no Atheists. -G. K. Chesterton

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. -Bruce Grocott

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. -Henny Youngman

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. -David Frost

There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead. -Arthur Honegger

Quotes 13

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. -Steven Wright

The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers. -Lewis Thomas

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. -Mary Chase

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue. -Unknown

No. -Amy Carter

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. -Malcolm Forbes

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. -Fred Allen

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. -George Orwell (I told you it was late)

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. -Niels Bohr

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly. -Mitch Hedberg