Thursday, February 12, 2009

Quotes 12

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. -Emo Phillips

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. -Dave Barry

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where she is. -Ellen DeGeneres

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -Sir Winston Churchil

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' -Ronnie Shakes

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -Henry Allen

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -Ogden Nash

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. -Ambrose Bierce

1 comment:

Mr. Worm said...

Ok, I'm about to give up... I won't finish by bed time if I read all the funny quotes :-) How about I skip up to stuff I haven't seen before? Yes? No? Yes? YES!